05.19.06
Listening to CD
I received the CD from Lane right after Lucas’s Birthday. I had to wait to listen to it so I could build up my courage.
I drove to Chattanooga about three weeks ago and listened to the whole thing. Surprisingly to me,I did not cry the whole trip. The happy songs made me happy…. being his mother I did not get to “go out” with Lucas an whoop it up. I wish I had now because I know we would have had fun. The funny thing about the songs from his childhood is I remember them being some of my favorites to belt out in the car with the kids or from movies that Lucas, Tarlie and I watched during the summers. “Grease” was one of those movies… i don’t remember what year it was but it came out and I’m sure we recorded it on VHS tape and played it every morning for a whole summer. Tarlie and I would dance and sing around to all the songs… Lucas would too some but I really think he just watch us being silly….but obviously it stayed with him if he loved the John and Oliva version of the “You’re the One that I Want” whoo… whoo whoo.. which is the only way I can say the words…..
I knew “Patches” was one of his favorites as I found the words written out in his papers… and Billy Ki lough his 4 year old teacher wrote me that she can remember him lip sinking patches as a four year old….. amazing to me.
“I’m on Fire” was a song I fell in love with because of the train whistle…I requested that Jerry go get it for me and I played it over and over until I could sing the fast part along with Bruce.
“You’ve Lost that Lovin Feeling” is from my teenage years but I’m sure Lucas learned it from Top Gun…. I loved that movie and it was at the condo to watch over and over….and sing along too.
“When a Man Loves a Woman” was one of the first songs that Jerry and I shared together which I would always turn up to 10 decibels….and sing to.. with “Amazing Grace” and “I saw the Light”.
“Over the Rainbow” was, of course, from the “Wizard of OZ” by Judy Garland whom Pops and YaYa named me after so I always sang it when I heard it but not the version on this CD but i now love this version along with the original…
and by the way I CANNOT sing or carry a tune solo but if someone is there to sing with me I can (sometimes) follow the tune…. so I like to think that Lucas learned it did not matter if you went off key while singing it was the enthusiasm and meaning that was important…. similar to cheering at the top of your lungs… to let all those out there hear that you love them….
so Lucas I hope you could hear me singing along with some our shared songs.. at the top of my lungs and out of tune and wishing you were still here for me to sing with. I miss you and think of you every day.. love mom.
Joan Watson said,
September 13, 2006 at 3:11 pm
Dear Judi,
I’m nodding yes and identifying with how songs touched your lives as you remember Lukas. I do the same thing all the time. Jeff and Janice grew up with Ron’s and my love for 50s/60s rock and roll. We were a boogying family, and even shared a lot of the contemporary music that came along as the years rolled by. Ron and I would sometimes drive up to college and go out dancing with Janice and her friends at a local pub and were always warmly greeted by her friends (mostly guys, soccer and lacrosse players). And sometimes when Janice came home, we’d catch a ferry and go to Seattle where Jeff lived and went to school, and go out dancing with his friends in the pubs in Pioneer Square. Those are memories that touch me every time I hear certain songs. I now have Jeff’s CDs (so does Janice & family) and play them every chance I can. In the beginning I’d cry all the time, but figured it was a great way to purge pent up grief. Six year down the road and I now mostly just listen and reminisce. I close my eyes and invision us dancing together when he was a toddler, in his teens (even when heavy metal turned me off), in his college years, and at Janice’s wedding. Jeff and a friend had a small company called “Lazer Bop” and played for wedding receptions and reunions. sometimes he would drop the mike and go out and mingle with the dancers on the floor and cut a rug! He was so much fun. In his mid-twenties be started playing classical and Celtic music while he tinkered (electronics) or read. Playing his Celtic CDs still makes me cry.
Janice and her cousin (very close to Jeff) went to Alaska for the “40 day Party” after Jeff died (long story…) and were driving out to the Shrine of St. Therese on a tiny islet bay where half of Jeff’s ashes were spread during his memorial, and on their rented car’s radio came blasting “Radar Love”. They both looked at each other, started crying, then laughed. That song was a favorite and always playing when the 3 of them were driving to school in the early 80’s. When they reached the islet (north of Juneau) they were astounded to find a huge rainbow sweeping overhead from one side of the bay to the other!
I’ve only just met you (and your beautiful family on these pages) and I’m touched by all that I’ve read here. Another family like ours, still struggling with such great loss (yes, it really does last forever; there is no “moving on” for a parent). Yet you’re sharing with others the very best memories of Lukas. I’m so honored to have visited with him for a little while. I wish I had known him.
Ironic; my very first 45 record when I was 15 was “All I Have to do is Dream” by the Everly Brothers. I would never have guessed that it is still my favorite. I day-dream a lot about Jeff. I’ve still only had one dream of him, but it was a great one, and we were dancing.
Tight hugs to you, Judi, and to your family and friends,
Joan, Jeff’s Mom