11.14.17
Lucas in my Kitchen
Saw a picture of Lucas in my kitchen this weekend. It immediately brought a smile to my face. What a great guy. Then I started getting sad. Lucas, I still miss you.
09.14.17
Spirit in the Sky
Logan Markham was a student at STJ with Lucas. He was two years behind Lucas in school. He was on the football team with Lucas when Lucas was a Senior. Logan was killed in a car accident 16 years ago. I missed Logan and Saint James as Jerry and I had moved to Birmingham by then.
Lucas and I went to Montgomery and to Saint James to a memorial for Logan at the football field. The band played “Spirit in the Sky”. Lucas and I sat there together and talked about football, Logan, and life. Later, I fell in love singing “Spirit in the Sky” as I got the “Titans” the movie soundtrack. Lucas and I sang it together on the way from Birmingham to Millbrook July 24th, 2005. That is when Lucas told me that that was the song the band played at Logan’s memorial service. I had not remembered that.
Lucas died August 2, 2005. “Spirit in the Sky” became one of my grieving songs. Riding around in my little 626 Mazda, singing as loud as I could to “Sprit in the Sky” knowing that somewhere someplace Logan and Lucas were singing along with me.
Blake Markham is Logan’s dad. He posted a Facebook note to honor Logan this past week on the 16th anniversary of his death. I shared my memories of Logan and Lucas on Facebook. Blake wrote me these words:
“Blake Markham. I am so sorry for your loss too, Judi. I think you have to walk in our shoes to truely understand it, but I am comforted that our sons lived good lives and that they are together in heaven. I always heard that only the good die young, and, at least for Logan and Lucas, it was true. They were good to the core and loved all of those they touched. Their lives had a purpose that is beyond my comprehension, but I could always feel it with Logan and I am certain that you felt it with Lucas as well. I will treasure Lucas’ memory for the rest of my life. Thank you for remembering Logan and sharing your memory of him.”
These words have given me great comfort….to have someone tell me Lucas’s life did have a purpose even if we don’t understand what it was. Thank you, Blake.
I think I am going to go find my old cd and get it in my car…. come sing with me Lucas and Logan. I miss you and think of you both often.
Love mom
08.02.14
Another year….time to start again, again.
The time from March 2 to August 2 is a long 5 months… it was… five years ago … a day to day struggle for me. It got easier but still as long. Last year it got shorter…
I did not count the days each and everyone to re-think my mistakes, and wasted moments in the last months of Lucas’s life. This year the over whelming questions did not really start until last night…. and today…. minute to minute. I have two more to hit tonight…. 8:30 pm and 11:30 pm. The sadness and quilt is overwhelming but I will get through the night…and begin a new year tomorrow. I hope Lucas will help me be a good person this next year…….
08.01.14
I look for you everyday
Are you there in my 1980 penny? The blooming flower, dug up from your yard? In my mirror? In that black Chevy truck? In my dreams? In my heart? In my head?
I don’t know where you are but “I love you” (Aug. 1, 2005 1:33 pm), as always- love mom
Seven and counting
So I spoke to you seven years ago today… and our last words were ” I love you”.. see u wednesday… and at 11:00 pm tomorrow the police are at my door…to say u r not here.
What can we do.. who can we call? too much grief to know what the answers r. But they call u three, and the neighbors..come to take care of us until the morning.
What can i say.. still too much sadness to express… to anyone… i love you.. i look everyday for you… and i pick up pennies hoping they are really from you..but they cant be as you have moved on without me… and the circle goes on.
love u mom.
08.02.10
5 years
I never will stop remembering Lucas and missing him and loving him. There are no words to describe the ups and downs of mourning someone for five years and counting.
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