04.14.10
Happy Birthday
I miss you and think of you every day.
Love mom
04.14.09
04-14-09
So 29 nine years ago I gave birth to my baby, you Lucas, i love you more today than that day because you grew and changed and became you not just my idea of you.
I miss you, I want you here with me to touch, to hold to build a life with, but you are not and I am here in the dark.
I took Bernardo to Atlanta today and it made me feel good. He needed me to help him and I did but I did not steal his diginty. You could have asked for help and I would have given it without the need for the loss of self. I am a good mother… I was a good mother to you.. I still love you.. I will survive…. but I miss you… I love you.. I wish you were here with me … but i will let go..as it does me no good and i’m sure it hurts you too…..i’m sorry.
love mom
03.02.09
My Brown Eyed Boys
Lucas,
I still think of you everyday. Today is Ya-Ya’s birthday remember to give her a kiss for me.
Love mom
08.03.08
i’ve been waiting, waiting for you
never found anything else to do
but waiting for you
you can kill a lot of time
if you really put your mind to it
or leave it all behind
and never ever have to go through it
i’ve been calling your name
never found anything else to say
nothing’s the same
i keep hearing your name
nothing else sounds the same
as hearing your name
i’ve been hoping, hoping for you
what else can i do
but keep hoping for you
you can kill a lot of time
if you really put your mind to it
or leave it all behind
and never ever have to go through it
-“Waiting for You” from Both Sides of the Gun, Ben Harper
07.20.08
Hey Lucas
Just wanted to stop by to say hello and say that I miss you. Time has passed for us to heal some but you are still missed so much. Lilly is almost 7 years old now and she now has a brother named Riley. You were always so good with Lilly. I know she misses you. My girlfriend has a son named Lucas so I am reminded of you everyday. Time will pass and we all will grow up doing different things but You will always be remembered for what a great friend, son, brother, boyfriend, grandson, etc you were to everyone. The impact you had on all of our lifes will never be forgotten. I love you friend.
06.02.08
I see you in every black chevy truck
Dear Lucas,
I fear I will make people worry about my sanity but I think the only one who might read this is Tarlie now and she knows I’m insane so it does not matter any more.
So another Mother’s day has passed, and now summer is here and I still see you in birds that fly around. ..and planes that go over head, and lights that come on and off with no explanation, and smells and candles and so much stuff I must be crazy. Dustie said to me one day last year ” You need to look for signs, he is around'” and I thought if I told anyone all the signs I see I would be put away in a loony bin.
I so decided that I would only see you in Black Chevy Trucks (and not from “The University” (that can’t be you )). So my problem would be solved. I would say “Hey Lucas, I see you, I miss you, I love you” each and every time I saw a black Chevy truck and that would be ok… and not obsessive at all!! I could wave at strangers… and who cared if they saw me back.
But you know what .. I must see 50 Black Chevy Trucks every day on the way from our house to grandmother’s (which is the only place I go every day). So now I don’t know what to do about my obsession with seeing you everywhere… I guess you are there, everywhere I go. Do you see me waving? Do you wave back…?? OMG… somebody waved back for like 15 minutes behind me on Friday and I chased them around to see who they were, but of course it can’t be that simple or you would still be here for me to call on the phone or just pop in on in Millbrook.
I love you. I miss you, I really needed your help today with grandmother’s Roman Shades… why didn’t you believe in yourself… I do. Call me sometime when you have time.. come to my dreams…I really would like to communicate with you.
love as always —mom
04.14.08
A Birthday Kiss for Lucas
I think of you everyday, Lucas.
I wish you were here for me to give you a hug and a kiss and bake you some cookies! But you are not, my loss. Here is a kiss for you anyway….
love mom
03.28.08
Fish for Sale
I don’t remeber the point of this skit at STJ but it is the only picture I have of Lucas with a green hat and green clovers on the wall. Grandmother must have been there that day to take this picture. When ever I think of Saint Patrick’s day I first think of my Grandfather John Fisher Carper (whom Lucas was named after and also his other great grandfather William John Henry) because he was born on March 17th and then I think of this picture with Lucas selling fish with a green hat on.
Lucas also played soccer the spring of 1989. We always enjoyed going to the soccer fields some years all four children played and we would be the last family to the fields on Saturday mornings and the last to go home in the afternoon (after four games)!!!
I enjoyed going to the soccer store this spring to get Rone some new shin guards and real soccer socks. I’m sure Lucas would have agreed that all soccer players need new shin guards and “real” soccer socks not just any socks that might be in the drawer. Rone got his picture made and played in his first game. Rone scored a goal… and it was the last goal of the game so in spite of the fact they don’t keep score we think he must have scored the “winning” goal. Lucas must have been there helping Rone along.
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